Can you see me?

You’re dirty, but I like it.
Can you feel it? I’m coming.
I can see you. I can see you.
Full of blood, so much blood
Sent straight to my head, straight to you.

Oh god, I need you, forever, for this moment.
Can you feel it? I’m coming.
Holding on cause guilt follows,
But right now, we are beautiful.

Sweating and wild, no control: I am abandoned, I am free,
There is no one I would rather be.
Can you feel it? I’m coming.
I’m not breathing; I don’t need to.
My heart is pounding.
This is all I ever want to be.
Can you see me? Can you see me?

Find something to hold on to.
Deeper and deeper.
You’re screaming; I’m screaming.
We can feel it. We’re coming.

Can’t get closer, but we need to.
Want to hold it, but I’m afraid to.
Let it flow over me, over you.
Hold me for the moment.
Let me go; you remind me
It’s now just a fading memory of how good life can be.

My Beautiful Friend

Pain: my beautiful friend.
I’ll never wake alone again.
A caffeine bomb to kick-start my heart,
A shot or two to make it all alright.
I cover you and hold you;
I smile when I walk.
Music paints my mind
And tags my memories.
I need a tactile pushing
Whilst I am tasting death.
Poison my poison, my dear,
Whilst I dress to impress.
My impersonation of a person
You ill-advisably do bless.

Smell my fingers,
Taste my blood
Whilst a sobering thought vibrates my leg:
No hope springs eternal
When you are falling fast;
All there is is the promise
Of a crashing break of bone.

From the bottom of my pit,
I hear you calling for the blood of some unknown enemy,
But all the adrenaline does is tire me
And darken once bright skies,
So let me take your hand my dear
And dance the day away
Then curl up with me salted
And fired with feet of clay.
Through the night I’ll hold you,
And at break of dawn,
I’ll wake up, not alone, but with my pain.

Join The Dance

I can’t remember how it starts.
Close my eyes; join the dance.
All those books, all that art,
Were warnings not some fucked up dot to dot.

The green man says go go go.
Everything bollocksed.
In my head, success is tied to making money.
It is easier not to be good.
Judge your life not by your own standards
But by how many possessions you’ve got.

Words pour like water,
Much thinner than blood.
Try to remember what is honest.
Try to remember what is honest.
False flattery covers nothing,
But you are not allowed to be true.
You can’t just say I love you,
Much less, I really really want to fuck you.
There has to be all this careful planning,
Stupid games and romance and stuff.
We can’t just mate like lions on the Savannah’s grass.
People like pretence;
Any excuse not to look into the abyss.
A hand to hold,
A face to blame.
What is it that you want me to say?

Adrenaline junkie whore,
Anything as long as it’s a cheap thrill.
Experinence as much as you can,
As long as it’s prepackaged and perfectly safe.
Lick the lid of life,
As long as someone else has worked out the expiration date.

This buzz ringing in my ears,
This jealousy stealing at my soul.
I wish I could love the world you see.
I wish I could fit and be happy.
Dreaming of a needle pricked death,
Everything screaming,
Bouncing off a car bonnet,
Smashed to pieces by a train,
Choked and drowned and left to die:
All light gone from once innocent eyes.
A purple blossom of pain.
People remembering for a time then no more.
Everything gone.
A watcher seeing no more than before.
Starting is hard, but ending is harder.
Just because.

Banned!

Smashwords website with BANNED! stamped on it

It appears that you can’t have nipples on Smashwords, so Equilateral has been banned! This has made the decision as to whether or not to use Amazon’s KDP Select service quite simple (to be eligible for KDP Select you have to sell ebooks exclusively through Amazon for several months.)

I Bleed Words

Ink drips, like blood from a wound;
The melody is some strange infection.
I’ll let you be my smutty nurse;
I’ll let you touch me where it hurts.

Ink drips, like blood from a wound;
The meter pumps it out so much neater.
I’ll let you watch me as I sleep;
I’ll let you dream of someone else.

Ink drips, like blood from a wound;
Pretty patterns on a page.
You’ll try, but you’ll never understand;
I’ll try, but I’ll never understand.

Ink drips, like blood from wound
Slowly congealing into shapes.
I can see you floating off in space;
I can see me chained to the earth.

Ink drips, like blood from a wound.
Then it stops.
Everything important, now, forgot.

Mostly Carbon

Sometimes, I just want to break things.
No reason, except things look pretty in pieces.
I’ll take and leave you with nothing.
You’ll know me.
I’ll leave you, not bleeding, just dead.
Burning and screaming, I greet you.
If you’d realised I’m drowning…
Sense isn’t hidden, it’s absent.
I really like you.
I really like the way I write,
Till you see me.
Brand my name into flesh so I remember.
Changed by deed pole: I’m new, I’m reborn.
Take drugs, need no skill, worship monotony.
Sad reminder:
I need company,
I need sex.
Everything fits, everything working.
I will break it by wanting.
Hollow.
Nothing special.
Words are beautiful.
Drawing arrows,
Shame no bows.
The birds fly so high, so serenely.
So I shoot them.
Spiral to earth,
Consumed by earth,
Mostly carbon.
Nothing special.
And a bit of water.
Who cares?
Mostly carbon.
Stinking and sweating, I stand here.
You are trivial; I walk over you.
I am not dreaming.
I feel and I touch and I’d hate you
If it’d help, but it won’t,
So I’ll drool and I’ll burn things
Mostly Carbon.